i can't think about you anymore
its too unbalanced
what with your
not thinking of me.
tell me what you think of me!

i don't want to stop.
it is my guiltiest
pleasure
my stolen moments
in fantasy
they are ours.

at the thought
of anexing that dream
to my back parking lot,
i stop.

biting my bottom lip
to brace against
the loss.

the loss of a fantasy.

Jack's Luminence

I was born in my brother's death
I live two lives so that I may remember
his breath
the breath that was not and the half of mine I hold
so that I may remember that he did not
and now I'm taught by the life that was not lived
to never bring mine to naught
the light that never hit my brother's eyes
lives within my held breaths
the darkness that took his life
seduces my light, growing me through strife
and begs that we may not forget
the light that comes in death
And now my inheritance, my jack-shaped luminence
striking points in all directions of me
spilling forth my luminary, my missionary of enlightened truth,
bringing me to my foremothers' light of nature as proof
beckons me to exhale, to tell tales
of this life . . .lived

i want to get hurt

i want to hit the pavement
my air knocked out
the black coming around the edges
thoughtless.

in that breathless moment
i imagine
i will feel whole.
i have always felt most whole
on the ground
splayed out
like Leonardo's man.
its where i feel safest.
and i cannot feel whole
if i am not safe.
and i am not safe.
i have never been safe.

lying on the floor
in a dark room
alone
is my safest place.

and my breath does leave me then.
but not with the force of a hit.
it leaves me slowly
in a long exhale
and at the end
i have no energy
to inhale again.
and so i am left empty
on the floor
alone.
and there i am safest.