twisted up in your contradictions

and i lost my place.
i don't know you
and you don't know me.
but you pull me away from myself,
though you don't want to,
and against my better judgment.
because you are two people;
the girl who wraps herself up in me,
mumbling intimacies beneath me in the night.
and the girl who breaks up with me every morning.
and i am two people;
the girl who does not get involved in complications.
and the girl twisted up in your contradictions.

you let me go again this morning
and this time i didn't hold on
to either of you.
and now we are untangling our intricacies from each other.
and in my attempt to integrate my two selves around my whole,
i find that i am bent,
wanting still to be twisted up in you.

no thing

swallowed whole
a hole
drowning in sticky icky mess
of my own insides
self-loathing, self-effacing, self-denying
denying myself
nothing of me left to deny
i have nothing
no, i am nothing
because i have nothing left to give
gave it all away
away to nothing
and now nothing to show for the effort
no thing.