its been nearly a year since ive been here.
i havent had words
none that were good enough
none that could hold
everything that has happened.
my last poem was about a fight i had with my girlfriend.
my now ex girlfriend.
if that was all there was,
well i would not have stayed away so long.

but there is more.

i am walking home from the subway on a random summer eve when i hear the little chime of my phone telling me i have a message. my brother in law is crying. its hard to make out what he is saying. but i heard it. he said, "your mother is dead."

my mom is dead.
she died on august 4th, 2008,
and i have been waiting since then to have words.
i wanted to have some way to say this,
something powerful
something eloquent
something that would be enough to hold all of the months since.
but i still don't
maybe i never will.
maybe the only words that have enough strength to hold this are these:

my mom is dead.