what are the top three admirable attributes?
we had this conversation this morning.
we were identifying our philosophical differences.
thats what we sit around and talk about on a saturday morning, afternoon actually.
it started when she asked me why i wouldnt sleep with him while he still has a girlfriend.
i told her that i hold honesty above all other attributes.
and sleeping with a man who you know is not going to tell his girlfriend that he is sleeping with another woman, which i know he wouldnt because he cant even tell her that he is slowly disengaging from their relationship, is participating in dishonesty.
she asked why honesty rated above all other attributes.
its hard to explain, i said, but i have a rating for attributes that i find to be admirable, areas that i want to develop in myself.
honesty is number one.
integrity...doing what you say you are going to do. thats number two.
three is being wholly open and loving, nonjudgemental, with everyone.
all three are...challenges for me.
she asked me why honesty should take priority over other admirable qualities.
because being honest is never the wrong choice. it always betters the situation.
she asked, you cant think of any situation where it would be better to lie?
telling a cancer patient that she looks great bald.
so you put others feelings above honesty?
no. its not that simple of an equation. its about making decisions based on what is the best outcome for all. im all about the all, i actually said that.
she asked how could i know what is the best outcome?
i cant. not know it, but i can predict what will happen in any situation by looking at all the factors effecting that outcome.
she said she believes in completely random occurences that you cant predict, that that there is no order to.
i dont. i believe nothing is truly random. there is an order to chaos.
this is a fundemental difference.
i said i think that it is chaos theory.
so we called her brother in california. hes getting his phd in some bio neuro, chemical science-y thing. he knows this stuff. and im going to marry him, but thats a different conversation.
so what we get is that yeah, that is chaos theory.
there is actually a mathematical way of looking at chaos. you can predict a pattern.
and he believes it. my future husband.
i said, there is a difference between the way she and i see the world.
she looks at every new situation like shes never seen anything like it before, like a child almost. and you can see this moment when she gasps and says to herself, i dont think i can do this.
i look at every situation like ive been here before, i can do this one too.
i said she might be a new soul.
im an old soul.
ive done this all before.
not that that makes me any more successful here, but i feel i have a frame of reference to make decisions in any given situation, i can predict what would happen with any given set of variables.
im not always right.
but my odds are good.
i know that if i go to that party tonight, theres a good chance that i would be putting myself in a positition, and him, that would test my ability to hold to my value of honesty, and his.
the chances are good that i would fail, and he would to.
so im not going.
he ignores women that would test his fidelity.
though it didnt really work for him the last time, it seems to be this time.
as long as i dont go to the party.
so i dont know if i believe in chaos theory, or reincarnation, or both,
but either way,
i cant sleep with a man who has a girlfriend. it wouldnt be honest.
we were identifying our philosophical differences.
thats what we sit around and talk about on a saturday morning, afternoon actually.
it started when she asked me why i wouldnt sleep with him while he still has a girlfriend.
i told her that i hold honesty above all other attributes.
and sleeping with a man who you know is not going to tell his girlfriend that he is sleeping with another woman, which i know he wouldnt because he cant even tell her that he is slowly disengaging from their relationship, is participating in dishonesty.
she asked why honesty rated above all other attributes.
its hard to explain, i said, but i have a rating for attributes that i find to be admirable, areas that i want to develop in myself.
honesty is number one.
integrity...doing what you say you are going to do. thats number two.
three is being wholly open and loving, nonjudgemental, with everyone.
all three are...challenges for me.
she asked me why honesty should take priority over other admirable qualities.
because being honest is never the wrong choice. it always betters the situation.
she asked, you cant think of any situation where it would be better to lie?
telling a cancer patient that she looks great bald.
so you put others feelings above honesty?
no. its not that simple of an equation. its about making decisions based on what is the best outcome for all. im all about the all, i actually said that.
she asked how could i know what is the best outcome?
i cant. not know it, but i can predict what will happen in any situation by looking at all the factors effecting that outcome.
she said she believes in completely random occurences that you cant predict, that that there is no order to.
i dont. i believe nothing is truly random. there is an order to chaos.
this is a fundemental difference.
i said i think that it is chaos theory.
so we called her brother in california. hes getting his phd in some bio neuro, chemical science-y thing. he knows this stuff. and im going to marry him, but thats a different conversation.
so what we get is that yeah, that is chaos theory.
there is actually a mathematical way of looking at chaos. you can predict a pattern.
and he believes it. my future husband.
i said, there is a difference between the way she and i see the world.
she looks at every new situation like shes never seen anything like it before, like a child almost. and you can see this moment when she gasps and says to herself, i dont think i can do this.
i look at every situation like ive been here before, i can do this one too.
i said she might be a new soul.
im an old soul.
ive done this all before.
not that that makes me any more successful here, but i feel i have a frame of reference to make decisions in any given situation, i can predict what would happen with any given set of variables.
im not always right.
but my odds are good.
i know that if i go to that party tonight, theres a good chance that i would be putting myself in a positition, and him, that would test my ability to hold to my value of honesty, and his.
the chances are good that i would fail, and he would to.
so im not going.
he ignores women that would test his fidelity.
though it didnt really work for him the last time, it seems to be this time.
as long as i dont go to the party.
so i dont know if i believe in chaos theory, or reincarnation, or both,
but either way,
i cant sleep with a man who has a girlfriend. it wouldnt be honest.
posted by Solador at 9:43 PM
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