crushed on you

i went to the party the other night
to see this guy
that i keep trying to convince myself
i want to date.
certainly not expecting to see you.

i hugged your date hello.
you held my hand
and my eye
a little longer.
i knew i knew you.
but i didnt know you.
i wanted to know you.

im new to some of these things
so i fumbled through
trying to sit in such a way that
your knee would touch mine
under the table.
i wanted to touch you.

i sat on your dates lap
because it was close to you
and i talked to her
because you would hear

i bumbled a
rough & vague
image of my recent proclivities
a lame attempt to hit on you,
through her.

you looked up at me
dismissively
"said just like a straight girl."
well, yeah, maybe

but that doesnt define who i am
who i am
is crushed on you.