sometimes i do things i shouldnt do

and i know it while im doing it
i know it while im waiting for it to happen
sometimes i say things i shouldnt say
i dont usually know that until after
ive said it
but mostly i just think things
i shouldt think
not so much shouldnt because its bad
but because its bad for me.
its thinking about doing things
i shouldnt do
and in so doing
distracting myself from the things
i should do.
waiting for the shouldnts
shoulds pass by.

its just that there is something so
attractive
about shouldnt
and equally
repulsive
about shoulds

17 yr. old rebellion
more than a decade later
and i am younger
now
than i was
then.
and furthermore ...
not sure i want to grow up.

Ambivalence
a hallmark greeting
of young adulthood.