Una's Lament

i learned while i was still young
before even memory
perhaps before breath
that life's purpose
was to tie one's self
to the soul's desire

and so i set out upon this earth
and then further
over the great waters of the world
to find my anchor.

i counted myself lucky when
i was still young
in both spirit & body
when i wrapped myself up,
bound to that desire.
thus found,
so quickly my ties became shackles
binding me to his madness.

and then,
the mad
left me alone.
i inhaled sorrow
and at once
exhaled relief.

within a breath
again i was tied.
more right and true,
i embraced my anchor.

ropes & sailors knots
kept me bound,
though the world's waters
swelled between me
& my love.

for a space of four years
for a space of a few summer months
i knew my childhood lesson
proved right,
and happiness swelled within me,
within my belly.

but no sooner had my happiness
danced before the hearth
than a beast rose up
between me and my peace.
a dark anger greater than the waters
was i now anchored to.

what now is my courageous heart to think?
that to chase desire
both in honesty
and earnestness
is folly?
or worse yet,
sin?
punishable by the gods
with unreason and wrath?

was i better left untied?

better yet, tethered only to my loneliness
and thus not at the mercy
of an other's
wayward streams?

to have loved and lost
than never at all
but at what cost?