kissing girls in corners...

a dozen or so years
and i still love it,
im that girl
who kisses girls in dark corners.

but now more woman than girl
there is more at stake,
or i am more aware of those stakes.

three girls
in as many weeks
loving me
when i didnt know it.
i thought we were just
kissing in corners,
while they were falling in love...

i could claim ignorance,
oblivion,
but its not all truth.
i knew i was adored.
i just chose not to see
to what extent,
to what demise.
but its always in their eyes.

the thing is
i like being adored.
i like feeling her love
i like the way her eyes caress me,
the way her hand on my body
electrifies her.

she said she wouldve been my girlfriend at any point.
and i told her i didnt know that.
and i didnt.
denial, hope
that she could play with her body and not her heart,
the way i do.

but now i think,
the disservice was not so much theirs.
heart shaken,
enlivened by the twist.
i dont have that.
havent had that in that same dozen years.

maybe it is time to stop kissing girls in dark corners,
maybe its time to love just one

in the light.