somebody stole my spirit!

ever since i was a little girl i have loved nothing in life more than christmas. sure the day itself was generally riddled with the kind of saddening disappointment that only my family can render, but up until that point, i have always loved it.
i love decorating. i love buying presents for other people. i love the parties, the cookies, the music. i love it all.
but this year...nothing.
i dont have a tree. the lights are not up. i have only managed to buy one person's gifts, and that was a battle.
im just not feeling it. the thought makes me a little nauseous to be honest. like right now my head is a little dizzy and i could throw up a little just at the thought.
so whats my problem?
someone stole my spirit!
see i think that last year i tucked my spirit away for good keeping, you know to keep it nice and fresh and clean for this year, and when i went looking for it, it was gone. someone small and with a nasty countenance must have snuck into my house while i slept and slithered away with my spirit! or maybe it got lost in the move? i mean who would want to take my spirit. its not like they are one size fits all or anything! mine only fits me!!!
but now, as i am writing this i have this nagging little question that that voice deep inside my thoughts, the one that i often ignore, is quietly insisting i ask myself.
do i want it back?